RAPE AVOIDANCE STRATEGIES

Who is Your Attacker?

In most cases of rape, there’s usually some sort of earlier contact between the victim and the attacker. 

Usually the attacker and victim know each other.  In fact, 75% of all rapes are committed by either acquaintances, dates, or family members.  Only 25% of rapes are committed by strangers.

However, even in a “stranger rape” situation, the attacker will often approach you in a seemingly innocent fashion, before he begins his assault.

What he’s doing is trying out various strategies – to test you.

Are You an “Easy Victim”?

Testing you out

A potential attacker will often test you to see if you’ll make an “easy victim”. 

These are known as “pretests”.

To defend yourself, you have to be able to recognize the pretests for what they are, and activate your defenses long before he turns it into a physical attack.

The main goal of any defense strategy, whether your attacker is a date, an acquaintance, or a stranger, is to leave the situation as soon as possible.

These pretests can range from someone

1. Asking for directions.
2. Knocking on your door and asking to use the phone.
3. Touching you.
4. Robbing you.

Your potential attacker is always using the pretest to determine whether you’ll make an easy victim or not.

Small Requests

The most common type of pretest is when an attacker makes a small request from you, such as asking for the time. Or asking to use your cell phone.

His goal is to stop you.

If an attacker can manipulate you into granting a “small request”, he will then ask another favour, and then another, confirming that you are easy to control.

Once he’s convinced, he will threaten you, or physically push you into a safer area to physically assault you.

Bernardo and Homolka: More than a Good-looking Couple

Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka - serial killersMeet Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka, probably Canada’s most infamous serial killers.  '

If you saw this photo and didn’t know who they were, you’d probably think they were a pretty good-looking couple.

Their third victim, Kristen French, thought so. 

Kristen was an intelligent, “street smart”, fifteen year-old girl.  She was walking home from school when she spotted a young couple sitting in a car in an empty church parking lot.

The pretty blond girl in the car called out to Kristen, asking for directions.  They were such a handsome couple that despite having warned friends herself about talking to strangers in the past, Kristen walked right over.

Kristen didn’t notice that the car was parked just far enough away from the road, that passing motorists wouldn’t be able to see what was about to happen.

According to their plan, Karla Homolka, playing dumb, stepped out of the car holding a map which she spread out on the roof, asking Kristen to help her find the location of a street.

Meanwhile Paul Bernardo slipped out of the car and snuck up behind Kristen, who was too busy trying to help Homolka with the map, to notice him.

Bernardo pulled out a knife, grabbed Kristen from behind, and threw her into the back seat of the car.  Two weeks later, Kristen’s body turned up in a ditch by a country road.   

Say No and Keep Walking

The safest response to any small request from a stranger is to either ignore it, or to assertively refuse the request by saying NO, and continuing to walk on.

Self-protection is always more important than being polite or helpful.

Unfortunately, most women have been conditioned into believing that it’s “rude” not to respond to a direct question.

This belief makes women vulnerable.

Men know this, and they use it to determine how submissive a woman will be.

In the case of Kristen French, Bernardo and Homolka had tried this abduction strategy on at least six other women before it worked successfully.

Trust your gut feeling. If someone looks suspicious to you, leave and get to a safe place. It is better to be embarrassed than hurt.

Insulting You to Test Your Reaction

Let me give you another example.

You’re downtown, walking along a street, and there’s a stranger leaning against the wall.  As you pass by him, he makes some kind of insulting or sexist remark to you (usually about your body).

It makes you mad, and you decide that you’re not going to let him get away with it. 

So you stop and give him a piece of your mind, or you begin arguing with him.

But that’s exactly what he wants. 

His insult is his 'pretest'. 

He’s hoping he can stop you, get you talking, and determine how easy you are to manipulate and control.

Don’t fall for it.

This guy does this to twenty women a day looking for the right victim.

Don’t let it be you!

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Disclaimer

If you think your life is in danger, always call the emergency services whenever possible.

This information is intended for guidance only. Use your own judgement in each situation.

It is impossible to describe a 'common' rape. Each rapist operates in an individual way, and women need to be aware of a variety of techniques to help themselves in a rape situation. There is no one answer to assure safety.

Please bear in mind that these safety tips were designed for Canadian citizens and advice will vary in different situations and locations. Always use your own local knowledge of your region in applying the safety tips.

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Resources

Rape: Psychology, Prevention and Impact - by Marcia Cohen and Sherrie H. McKenna - Yale-New Haven Teachers Institute
Rape and Sexual Assault - by Dean G. Kilpatrick, Ph.D. - National Violence Against Women Prevention Research Center - Medical University of South Carolina