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GABRIELA SPANIC - Letter of Farewell

LETTER OF FAREWELL & GOODBYE

All that I had

For all women in the world who are afraid The torments that I lived were the life I lost.

Feelings of passion, pain, deep melancholy and a lot of confusion invaded me. The light which once protected me, turned dark, cloudy, it went far off, it dissolved in the squall of emotions that became our relationship, where our passion drowned.

My supposed beloved love turned into fear and allied with the silence, it bound itself to my saddened soul, it got lost within the downhearted feeling that ran through my body, which interrupted my calmness.

Fatigue and tiredness prevented me from sleeping; my being did not enjoy the pleasure of life. My disturbed wishes and my impoverished hopes were limited, they got scared, they evaporated.

Without a destination in my mind and with my feet torn from walking beside him through an unstable path, they were bleeding disrupting the clear and pure path they were following, they were bleeding in that summer of love that did not allow me to decide.

I was an accomplice of the humiliations which I suffered, of the moments which I wasted. Blindfolded, I could not see, with my honor degraded, I lost the will, I was consumed by the loneliness, I handed over my dignity and sacrificed my integrity in vain.

That love which I supposed was a "guardian angel" hit my heart, confused my reason and locked me in the pain, but at the same time, he suffered his own mistake. It is true that I was blind, it is true that in that time I did not see, but you: you never saw, you never will see!

You did not know, you could not recognize in me the muse of your path, the true inspiration of your false path. I participated and accepted your abuse, your indifference, your interrogations. You hit my hope, you filled me with the mud of your pride, a pride that eats away at you, and which dwells in your feeling of guilt, that drags your mistaken life.

With the regrets of a disappointed being, I confess that I gave away my sincere love, that I squandered my freedom, the ability to love, to feel, to laugh. With the regrets of a battered woman I accept my mistake, I admit my weakness and I direct my elevated heart towards high brilliance.

A real man faces his mistakes, he gently and respectfully watches the woman he loves, the woman he desires, the complement in his life. A real man does not commit suicide, does not blackmail someone, he does not act cowardly, he tightens his pants, and keeps his promises.

A real man does not demand with a child’s temper tantrums, he does not restrict, he just surrenders, he just loves. There will be no next time, my senses do not miss you anymore, my soul and my skin do not remember you, I will not return.

I free you, fly so you will not be unhappy and you will be able to smile, so that one day, if you can, you can dream again. Search inside of you, find your reason, turn to your value. Search for spiritual help and professional assistance and when you remember me, when you miss me, when you need an answer, find it in the depths of your pain, in the center of your confused heart. Because I never found it.

Time has passed, the future waits for me, my life is smiling at me, my life wants to live. And when you see another woman, you will desire me more, you know that it is true, because even though you pretended in front of me, to be an untamable male, with strong muscles, diverse passions, you do not know how to love, you know not to keep, you do not know how to feed a woman’s soul.

Thanks to you "my crazy unloved one" I now posses a trophy that adorns, that preserves the purity of my soul, of my womanhood charms. Thank you for your hurtful acts, there is no love, there is no anger, there is no pain, only the confidence that I will not return, of having cornered forever that great love that was yours, that was mine, that is gone.

I already told you goodbye, leaving in the past the life that I wasted, the existence that I squandered, allowing my heart, clean and free of grief, to head toward love and to live with passion the moments that I enjoy today. I smile again and I am happy with the joy that I lost for a while.

 That love which I supposed was a "guardian angel" hit my heart, confused my reason and locked me in the pain, but at the same time, he suffered his own mistake. It is true that I was blind, it is true that in that time I did not see, but you: you never saw, you never will see!

You did not know, you could not recognize in me the muse of your path, the true inspiration of your false path. I participated and accepted your abuse, your indifference, your interrogations. You hit my hope, you filled me with the mud of your pride, a pride that eats away at you, and which dwells in your feeling of guilt, that drags your mistaken life.

With the regrets of a disappointed being, I confess that I gave away my sincere love, that I squandered my freedom, the ability to love, to feel, to laugh. With the regrets of a battered woman I accept my mistake, I admit my weakness and I direct my elevated heart towards high brilliance.

A real man faces his mistakes, he gently and respectfully watches the woman he loves, the woman he desires, the complement in his life. A real man does not commit suicide, does not blackmail someone, he does not act cowardly, he tightens his pants, and keeps his promises. A real man does not demand with a child’s temper tantrums, he does not restrict, he just surrenders, he just loves.

There will be no next time, my senses do not miss you anymore, my soul and my skin do not remember you, I will not return. I free you, fly so you will not be unhappy and you will be able to smile, so that one day, if you can, you can dream again.

Search inside of you, find your reason, turn to your value. Search for spiritual help and professional assistance and when you remember me, when you miss me, when you need an answer, find it in the depths of your pain, in the center of your confused heart. Because I never found it.

Time has passed, the future waits for me, my life is smiling at me, my life wants to live. And when you see another woman, you will desire me more, you know that it is true, because even though you pretended in front of me, to be an untamable male, with strong muscles, diverse passions, you do not know how to love, you know not to keep, you do not know how to feed a woman’s soul.

Thanks to you "my crazy unloved one" I now posses a trophy that adorns, that preserves the purity of my soul, of my womanhood charms. Thank you for your hurtful acts, there is no love, there is no anger, there is no pain, only the confidence that I will not return, of having cornered forever that great love that was yours, that was mine, that is gone.

I already told you goodbye, leaving in the past the life that I wasted, the existence that I squandered, allowing my heart, clean and free of grief, to head toward love and to live with passion the moments that I enjoy today. I smile again and I am happy with the joy that I lost for a while.