Tanya

Tanya’s Story

I was 16 when I met my previous partner, just out of school and living in a youth hostel he was the love of my life.
A big tough young lad that could have a fight and win everytime and would defend my honor at all times.

Tanya – Team Leader, Safe World Support Centre

However soon after we met we moved in together and things began to go wrong, I cant remember the first incident as I believe it would have been relatively small when in comparison to the other incidents that have stuck in mind .

I was beaten and given two black eyes for not pairing up socks, after the beating I hid in the bathroom while his lovely family came to visit us.

When I came out after applying make up they were looking around them disapprovingly at the trashed house with stuff being thrown around and smashed plates on the kitchen floor, little did they
know I had spent most of the day cleaning for their arrival and this handiwork had been done by their grandson.

This became frequent, the rages were very frequently once a week or once every couple of weeks and then knowing his temper I would do anything to please, although if in an argument I found it increasingly difficult to stay quiet although knowing that this would escalate things I found it so hard to bite my lip when I knew
this was not all my fault, so sometimes the beatings were worse.

I found a job working for an office, and this was great I felt like this is where I want to be a young parent with a relationship and a job, I would show the world that they were wrong about young parents.

However being out the house and in a unisex environment this was the cause of jealous rages from my ex partner one such like incident we were going for a meal (the whole team) to celebrate hitting our targets, I was walking home around 9.00 as this had been my curfew however two of my work colleagues refused to let me
walk home alone I lived in a busy town and had to walk down some isolated roads however on the way my ex partner jumped out of the shadows and promptly pinned me up against the wall by my throat calling me all the names under the sun thinking I had dishonored him by walking down the road with two men.

One of my work colleagues tried to stick up for me by saying the cliche “leave her alone” he was rewarded by a broken arm in two places. As a semi professional snooker player this was the end to his career.

I have highlighted a few incidents here that are usually cliche in domestic violence situations or relationships, it can be something small to enrage the abuser or something huge.

Jealousy is a very usual problem.

I only got out of my relationship because one day a friend said to me how was your night, as she had been having trouble with her teenage son and she knew my ex partner was known to have a temper.

This had been the time he had broken into my house and told me repeatedly that he was going to kill me next time he came.

My friend then took me to a local women’s aid office and they arranged accommodation for me in a women’s aid shelter. I spent a terrifying night packing and left for my supposed new life the next day with my daughter and three black bags to show for my life.

When I say I have been there, I really mean it.

Thank you for listening

Tanya Akehurst